Friday 17 July 2009

Alternative culture = fail

So back in 2007, when I started writing this blog, I worked for the flagship store of Cyberdog Industries. You know, the company that makes a lot of money selling overpriced poorly-made clothes to ravers and cyberkids and goths and metallers and the occasional indie Camden scenester who wandered in by mistake. My job was to stand around looking tiny and curvy and having a pink mohican and not complaining when tourists tried to feel me up at the information stand. I still like some of their clothes, though, only place you can get really reliable neon.

Well, anyway, Cyberdog has just launched a new t-shirt, which will no doubt shortly be glowing in every alternative club in London and Europe. It's called Tit Tetris.

No really, TIT TETRIS. The shirt, for those of you too lazy to click the link, features helpless women being flung to their deaths into a massive pile of female bodies. HOW VERY EDGY.



  1. Just looks like a bunch of naked women to me, and a sea of faces. And I don't see very many tits.

    You should complain to Trading Standards.

  2. This lacks realism. Naked people falling from the sky would be just as annoying as clothed people. Besides, they'd all be dead as soon as they land, so unless you're into necrophilia it's not really a good thing.

  3. I'm thinking that Obvious Troll is Obvious.

  4. Nu-Rave fails to surprise, manages to shock. News at 4.

    What the hell was wrong with the old rave?

    Also - the cyberdog logo looks like a tory batman.

  5. The idea is not new. When I was little and used Windows I used to have a computer game called Sex Tetris. It had naked men and women falling from the sky which had to be properly positioned to make moaning sounds and go away. It always annoyed me that the game would not recognise male-male and female-female couplings, despite recognising anal and oral sex in general.

  6. LOL as a camdenian native I always used to get deeply contemptuous when my out of townner friends started telling me how much they loved cyberdog. It really does take alternative chic to the level of parody.

  7. Shame it's 25 quid i would have brought one, the one in Fluo blue looks really nice :(

  8. Look like a bizarre, misogynist Inferno.

  9. It is a terrible indictment of THE WHOLE of "alternative culture" rather than just being a tacky T-shirt. Seriously, though, if you don't want to be groped, your employer should support you. What did you do about that situation?

  10. Oh, I don't know, you know... I'll have my own singing Rats, or drunk & disorderly Shoggoths any day of the week. Then, again, I may be biased, innit?

  11. If you line up a row of similar tits do they all disappear?

  12. They could have at least called it Titris

  13. What did Penny do about the unsupportive employers and the groping? Or about the guy who in my humble opinion IS a date rapist? Because she accused women of turning to burlesque instead of caring about real problems. I thought that was unfair. If I feel that I or someone I care about is being mistreated or exploited, I try to do something about it. Usually not enough, but something.

  14. I'm sorry. I think the above comment by myself was probably unfair and judgemental. I'm leaving it as a reflection of a thought process that was going on in my head, inspired by her published comments, but I withdraw the suggestion that PR isn't doing her best to tackle her issues. It was unfair of me to make that assumption.

    The vast majority of people try very hard to tackle their issues and it is not always clear from the outside how much work is going on.

  15. You're famous! You've been spotted on German TV speaking about burlesque:

    The irony of what you are saying, of course, is that you wouldn't be on TV talking about burlesque were it not for that fact that you used to take your kit off too.

    Still, you're hot. Even if you do have the voice of a Middle England Reader's Digest enthusiast.

  16. On a more serious vein, really. Can someone enlighten me on why have women ended up buying into such crap as burlesque/pole dancing/plastic tits/etc being "empowering" and/or "liberating"? Is totally beyond me! Any time now, they're going to be sold the idea that we don't need the vote or that that the truly-really cool thing to do is to be "pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen" Plus ├ža fucking change...honest.

  17. Boombox

    thanks for that link. It's got some great video clips. I like the one that plunges in and out of a bathtub. Dolores you don't understand art if you get burlesque.

    I thought that English shella (Laurie Penny) who was interviewed had eyes to die for.

  18. Dolores wrote: "Can someone enlighten me on why have women ended up buying into such crap as burlesque/pole dancing/plastic tits/etc being 'empowering' and/or 'liberating'?"

    I wish I could answer your question in full, but I cannot.

    I am approximately a B-cup, and it's all real.

    I have always voted.

    I have a friend who went off the radar for a few months and then e-mailed to say she was a pole dancer in London. She said that, since she was not inhibited about lack of clothing, it was a very good way to make a lot of money.

    I have posted on my blog about what I like about burlesque. Would you mind telling me why you think it is crap?

  19. Penny, I would think this is more your style ;)

  20. Aw, bless you! I really want that tshirt now.

  21. Sigh. Am trying to think calm thoughts about Dolores, but really, whatever happened to manners? What if I decided I didn't like art and I said her pictures of witches were crap? Which they're not. What gets into a person to make her decide that her hobbies, her art, are/is more valid than someone else's? That she's a better feminist than someone else?

    How many feminist points has she collected, and how many have I? Could someone please explain the rules of feminist points, and what to wear, and what the rules are about dancing and nudity and everything? Thank you.

  22. PS My first post of the day contained an ambiguous sentence. It should have read that I'm approximately a B-cup, all real AND NONE OF YOU ARE LIKELY TO SEE THEM AS THE ONLY TIME i DID PUBLIC NUDITY WAS A POLITICAL PROTEST.

  23. Feminists ... Attention

    Rule one of Feminist Point Gathering: No one is more of a feminist than you. You've got more points than anyone at anytime.

    Rule two: You lampoon anyone who might have a slightly different feminist outlook thus reducing their point tally.

    Rule three: You kiss any passing male blogger that happens to be passing by and pose for him nude but only as a political protest.

  24. Rule three: now that is chutzpah!

  25. No way, that's the most important rule.



  26. PS A packet of biscuits for a flash of your B cups.
    The sighing is a bit of a giveaway and could undo all the excellent herrings.

  27. No comeback from Dolores?

    @ The Divine Steve, I am a liberated biscuit buyer and would rather buy my own than flash to get them!

  28. Just about, Rose! I must be off for a wee while but I don't like leaving anyone hanging. So.
    1. No need to force yourself to think calmly. It'll only interfere with your true thoughts. Nah, let it all out, girl! I'm no shrinking violet/I don't take this sort of thing "personal", in any case. Life's too short, don't you agree?
    2. I'd like to point out that this "manners" (just like the dreary "language, language") caper has been used (and it's still being used)as a way of keeping people (both women and men) "in their place". The Victorians brought this practice to an art and Emotional Capitalism has turned it into a veritable repression machine. It's also a wonderful way of diverting attention from the essence of an argument or a proposal. You must have see this done time and again. Why go for it in this case?
    3. Why the anger? Why the defensiveness? What is it you are trying to protect? (Your ideas? Your mate?). I see no need for that either. My question is quite legit and was put in good faith -never mind the manners or the language. Would you call female genital mutilation "female circumcision" only because is not polite to call it by its proper name? I bet you wouldn't! And, also, by focusing on my manners, aren't you telling me that I am "worse than"...whatever, whoever? Beware of double-edged swords...not to say double standards. They are never too far from us in our acquired language and mores.
    Enough "rollo" (Spanish for going on a bit too long)! I detect you are not without generosity of spirit. I didn't come here to fight. Isn't this a better point of departure?. Mull it over and perhaps we may dance, in the future, instead of shadow-boxing. What say you, oh Rosa de la Vainilla? (extended Anglo-Spanish word play which I can explain when I come back, if you want)
    Be excellent.
    It was sporting of you not to slag my wee witches, but I'm not worried about them either. They are too confident in the love of their chickens to fret about anything much.

  29. You guys are about as enjoyable as a full-blown dose of the clap, only without the bonus of the foregoing pleasure involved in catching it.


    Down with redaction!

    Down with the blue pencil!

    Let free speech reign!

  30. @ dolores, I was somewhat angry because you called my hobby "crap" and implied I was stupid and apolitical for having it. I think that there were less impolite ways in which you could have expressed your dislike of burlesque. I agree with what Penny says on her homepage about how people who disagree with her should try and be polite about why they do so.

    You could even have explained this dislike, and I would be interested in your explanation when you return.

    I would also be interested in your wordplay, because (as I found out this year on a bus in Almeria with a phrasebook) my ability to speak Spanish is pretty non-existent.

    I already know the origin of the word "vanilla", also the word "orchid" (vanilla plants are a type of orchid, for any non-botanists reading this). I also like it because compared to many of my friends I probably am quite vanilla. And according to Dan Brown in "The Da Vinci Code", even Rose can have a similar meaning to the anatomical meaning of "vanilla". And yet it is a stage name that sounds like an innocuous candle!

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